Finding Gratefulness: a re-post

My friend Lindsay gave me the honour of guest blogging on her site a few times in 2014 and I thought I'd share some of the love here.

It is especially appropriate as we are on the eve of Thanksgiving weekend.

I walked home from a photo shoot through the summer’s evening sun, wondering what I’d write about in this space.

And, this is it- when all is quiet and my soul rests- this is what I remember, what I come back to again and again.

Gratefulness.

Life is hard, days are long. Bills pile high and relationships grow strained. People are messy and discouragement is ever knocking.

We can let every day suck, or we can suck it up and look at the bigger picture.

I may not be able to change the circumstances or people around me, but I can change my attitude, my heart, me.

To tell you the truth, I cried a little today. Alone on my couch and working long hours, I couldn’t see the light, only work, only tiredness.

When I only look in front of me, at all that’s on my plate, I sink down, down, down to depressing spaces. But when I raise my gaze, look just a bit higher and see Him staring back, then-sometimes only then-do I find the strength to face the day. 

So I take a deep breath and still my soul. I breathe in, I breathe out.

And I remember. 

God’s faithfulness, inherent goodness. His nearness and His strength.

Because I know I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I already have. I’m excited to see more.

And then I can go on. I can face both the dawn and the defeats of today.

So whatever is filling your days, whatever is staring you right in the face, look away, look up.

Sometimes, when all I see are the mountains of mess, of questions, of problems, I take myself away on a walk. And I start my list. “Thank you God for being alive this day. Thank you for the wind, this breeze on my face. Thank you for bare feet in green grass and for faces in the clouds. Thank you for Jonathan, my sister, my friends. Thank you for my healthy today. Thank you for the pancakes this morning and for lunch and dinner too.”

And on goes the list. It’s ridiculous really, how much goodness I have in my life, how little I can see it if I let my gaze go black, to the depths of things.

Kid, He’s got your back and it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay…..And don’t forget to say “Thank you,” with every step along the way.

That Track Life Bro: An Open Letter to the Girls Who Changed Everything

Darling Girls,

Today I said goodbye to you, left you in a tiny corner of New Zealand, and though this parting has long been looming, it came altogether too soon.

What makes me misty-eyed (or waterfalled-eyed, however you chose to define it), is that, while it's not forever goodbye, it's farewell to this season of doing life with you.

And I have loved these last 19 months with you all. I've loved seeing you learn and adventure, dream and create together; I've loved the family we've become and the tangled mess of simple and hard moments that have intertwined into a layering of life that has looked so special. 

When you came last April, I didn't know how much I'd care or how sweet this season with you would be. 

It has surpassed my highest hopes and so the ending feels rude, like someone barging in on a dinner party before the dessert.

It's the ending of so much-of family dinners on Wednesdays, of pizza/movie/cider Friday nights, of choc chip pancakes on Sunday mornings. While I recognize that this sounds as if eating is all we do together it is about so much more than that. It's the denouement of this two year journey-of working side by side, of teaching, of learning, of traveling to far-away places together.

You girls shine bright in my heart and mind for a myriad of reasons.

You are incredibly hard-working, servant-hearted, determined, convicted and inspiring. You are thoughtful, wise-beyond your years and oh-so-wonderful to know.

Know that I admire you, that I love you with my whole heart.

We are proud of you, of your journey, that you didn't give up. 

We are impressed with you and the way you live your lives.

And while this should make us feel old and grey, we love that you called us "mum" and "dad." You still feel like we're the same age though, right?!

All our love.

(Insert a thousand kisses and sappy thoughts here.)

L (+ J)